


Boy Meets Girl

by SecurityBreach



Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Aesir substance abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asgard, Attempt at Humor, Bats, Fantastic Racism, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Idunn's potions, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki and Idunn are BFFs, Pre-Thor (2011), Protective Thor, References to P.G. Wodehouse, Taking serious liberties with Norse Mythology, Teen Loki, Thor Is a Good Bro, Threats of Violence, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, aftermath of war, attempts at matchmaking, sore feet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:44:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7973929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecurityBreach/pseuds/SecurityBreach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the epic tale of how Loki and Sigyn met. </p><p>Asgard is celebrating the summer solstice and not everybody attending the feast is happy. Some feel they have been dragged there against their will while others think that there's just too much dancing. Fortunately, the goddess of spring and youth is on a mission of spreading sweetness and light and saves the day by using her own means before someone gets kicked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Meets Girl

**Author's Note:**

> My sincerest apologies to P.G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975) from whose novel _Heavy Weather_ I have stolen more than just a few lines for this work. I'd also like to give my thanks to Felicia Dorothea Hemans (1793 - 1835) who wrote the lines _The stately homes of England / how beautiful they stand_. I modified them for the beginning of my story.
> 
> Trigger warning: Volstagg's obesity is discussed in a not very friendly way and some of Idunn's actions can be seen as criminal behaviour. Please don't read if you find this disturbing.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended. The story takes place before the events of the movies happen, and Loki and Thor are still very young.

***********************************

 

 

'The stately homes of Asgard,' all the best bards of Midgard, who like them, sing, 'how beautiful they stand.' And indeed: there is nothing about the ancient seat of Odin Borson, known to his loyal subjects as the All-Father, which would have caused them to modify their view. Huge and golden and majestic, flanked by rolling parkland and Queen Frigga's bright gardens, with a lake glittering in the foreground and an abundance of golden lawn ornaments gleaming gaily in the evening sun. There are towers. Lots and lots of golden towers. Even Sigyn of Vanaheim, who is visiting Asgard for the first time, has to admit that it is some joint worth seeing. But now she is standing in the palast's golden hall in front of the royal family and discovers that, as it is often the case, it is when you go inside and meet the folks who actually live there you see where the catch lies.

 

What a crew, she thinks. Well, Cousin Freya and Cousin Frey had warned her, but there had been no way in Helheim to get around the invitation. There had been hints at severe retaliations of the violent kind in case Sigyn failed to appear at court for some feast in honour of the summer solstice. It's been an order, really, written on a lustrously gilded card embossed with shiny golden runes.

 

Sigyn is doing her best to give the royals her brightest godlier-than-thou smile _all_ Vanir are famous for. They are the older civilisation after all. Only the giants have been around for a longer time, and that's a fact the Vanir can live with. They do so mostly by ignoring it.

 

 _What a nornir-awful aggregation of prunes_ , Sigyn keeps telling herself while looking at Asgard's ruling family.

 

There's Odin, sitting on some kind of throne (it's golden) and clinging to Gungnir, his golden spear of destiny or whatever. Sigyn has never believed in putting too much seiðr into one single artefact. It's obviously silly and an incalculable risk to boot. Cousin Freya, who knows a lot about the magic arts, wouldn't stand for it. And Freya, the goddess of sex and beauty who rides a chariot pulled by two cats, is actually the most sensible and prudent woman Sigyn has ever met. Meanwhile Odin is radiating an air of selfimportance that should simply be outlawed on all nine realms. Next to him stands Queen Frigga, who is the older sister of Freya and Frey. After the war between Vanaheim and Asgard she has been bartered away as some sort of prize to Odin, which is plainly horrible, and she is commonly known as _poor Frigg_ on Vanaheim. It is probably not nice to sneer at her, Sigyn decides, and stops doing so. Then she takes a good look at the princes. They are both looking magnificent in their splendid outfits and princely helmets, Sigyn has to give them that. Thor is the first born. He's tall, blond, and obviously in love with his own biceps. He has chosen a sleeveless top to regale his audience with a better view of his bare upper arms. His younger brother, Loki, is almost as tall as his sibling and his dark clothes, in a sharp contrast to the bright garb Thor is wearing, look almost overly protective. He has black hair and a very slender body. Sigyn thinks it's Friggs's Vanir heritage showing. Loki looks much more like the people on the queen's home realm than Thor. This would also explain why poor Frigg is known to act like a particularly brainwashed mother hen over her younger son.

 

On Odin's left side Sigyn finds some of Thor's cronies. Oh, Freya and Frey have told her _everything_ about the so-called Warriors Three and the _lady_ Sif. Sif is wearing a leather dress in a style Sigyn has never seen before. _Run out of fabric, what? And who wears plate armour for a summer solstice feast anyway?_ Even the Valkyries are known to choose softer leathers with fewer studs for this occasion. Exhibit B is a young man about Thor's age. He's sporting a combination of mustachio and goatee, and looks like a moustache twirler. He's probably practising moustache twirling on a regular basis in front of his looking glass and Sigyn suspects him of not being very good at it. Exhibit C... now that's simply gross. Volstagg is obese in a way Sigyn would never have thought possible. He is probably the sole reasons for the never-ending tribute payments victorious Asgard demands from conquered Vanaheim. Sigyn herself is a landowner in a small way and feels this very much. Last year she had to send more than half of the grain her land yielded to the Golden Realm without getting much of a compensation in return. _And they use it to make ale while I have to struggle to pay my farm hands,_ she thinks. _Bastards._ Volstagg _winks_ at her merrily and Sigyn wonders if it would be terribly rude to stick a knife in his belly at this point. This is Asgard after all. Having a go at each other with sharp, pointy blades is just a thing they do around here, but Sigyn has left her seax at the embassy. _Oh well._ Then her face softens and she smiles. Hogun is greeting her with a court bow. He's of Vanaheim, and he has paid Sigyn a courtesy call at the embassy the day before. It had been a pleasant afternoon filled with a lot of gossip, news, Aesir-bashing and tea.

 

 

\-----

 

 

"Pray don't make my boys jealous, Lady Sigyn“ Odin says in a futile attempt to appear like a people person. He's smiling, and the effect is a bit off-putting because Sigyn knows excactly why she is here. Odin is hoping to dump one of his sons on her because of some bleeding prophecy. _In your wet dreams you churl,_ she thinks and feels grateful for the fact that this particular prophecy is kept a secret. Only Sigyn herself, her cousins Freya and Frey (the twins have been acting as Sigyn's immediate family ever since she's been orphaned), Odin, Frigg and the seer know about it.

 

"It's Sigyn,“ she says. She's a goddess in her own rights after all, and she doesn't need a stupid honorific, thank you very much. It's not a terribly important godship, but at least it's not something boring like fidelity, marriage or domesticity or as blatantly embarassing as fertility. That _has_ to count for something.

 

"You know, you remind me on how my queen used to look when she was young.“ Odin winks at poor Frigg who is apparently trying to ignore the situation and her husband's less than courteous comment. Odin could be right: Sigyn is the Frigga's first cousin once removed, and the girl feels there's nothing wrong with her royal kinswoman's looks.

 

Suddenly Sigyn has a vision of Odin winking at poor Frigg in a lewd way and pinching her bottom in front of his court. It is a god-moment. _I like this_ , she thinks, _I like this a lot. So be it. From now on, all tales about Odin shall contain a scene in which Odin winks lewdly and pinches his wife's bottom in front of his leering court,_ Sigyn, the goddess of song and storytelling, decrees. Sigyn is still very young, a little younger than Loki, and she thinks it's hilarious. She worries briefly about what Frigg's loving siblings, Freya and Frey, are going to think about this new development, but hey, she's having fun.

 

"Thank you, All-Father,“ Sigyn says politely. She would dearly love to kick Odin for his discourteous remark or maybe simply because he's Odin and wonders if there is any possible way to get away with it. There probably isn't, and Sigyn tries not to dwell on her disappointment. But her civil answer has somehow relieved the tension. Suddenly everybody is looking happy and even Loki, who had been staring into thin air for most of the time with a blank expression on his face, decides to turn his eyes on Sigyn. The younger prince does not bother to fake a smile. It's more like he is scrutinising the Vanir's appearance for the family resemblance Odin has mentioned, and Sigyn is totally fine with that. The god of lies chooses not to lie to her? That's probably an honour. And being of Asgard, he naturally wouldn't know that staring is simply rude. What has Frigg been up to all those centuries? Drinking? She has certainly not wasted her precious time on teaching her sons manners.

 

Now Queen Frigga _nudges_ Thor. The prince steps forward and asks Sigyn to be his partner for the first dance of the evening. _This is really going to far._ „I don't dance,“ she says haughtily, and it is the truth. Sigyn does not dance. She is famous for it. Everyone on Vanaheim knows that, and it is typical for the Aesir and their spectacular lack of education to be ignorant of such a well-established fact. Whenever she tries to move her feet to the rythm her legs seem to tangle and her body starts to feel heavy and clumsy. She is never able to remember the steps. Dancing is literally a no-go area for Sigyn.

 

_(You haven't found the right partner yet, Cousin Frey whispers kindly. Please don't worry, child, Freya says and gives her a gentle peck on the cheek.)_

 

 

\-----

 

 

The Vanir ambassador interferes just in time to prevent a diplomatic contretemps and leads Sigyn away after a few polite words for Odin, Frigga and the princes. There is a small community of Vanir expats living on Asgard and they are happy to meet her. Soon there is a party of expatriates pretending to play fashionable card games while they are wagging their tongues. Oh, how we love to gossip, Sigyn thinks and decides to dish out some of the hot stuff. Is that so, her compatriots say as she finishes her first tale, eager to spread the news. What better source than the goddess of song and storytelling herself? And who cares if the stories are true or not as long as they are worth telling. They are _good_ stories. Trust on Sigyn of Vanaheim to deliver, the Vanir think, feeling proud.

 

 

\-----

 

 

Meanwhile, Thor is loitering somewhere in the background with his friends. He has danced a little with Sif, but it is his younger brother who is actually doing all the work here. Both princes have taken off their helmets, and while Thor's hair is a tangled mess, Loki's is neatly combed back. Their parents make Loki dance with every single ambassador's wife and almost everybody else who has decided to show up for this particular event.

 

And Loki is good at it. He knows how to move his lithe body gracefully, he smiles a lot and is making light conversation in a most pleasant way. There seems to be no effort involved on his side at all.

 

Then the musicians stop playing. They are going to take a break and there is some supper waiting for them in the kitchen. Loki is walking towards his older brother who greets him with a hearty smile and places his left hand on the younger prince's neck, drawing him closer. It is an intimate gesture, and Sigyn thinks that it is nice to watch the sons of Odin getting on so well with one another. _So not everything is wrong on Asgard,_ she tells herself, feeling a little relieved. Then Volstagg says something and everybody starts laughing. Hogun does not join in and chooses to look away instead. Loki blushes. Thor is shaking with laughter while his brother turns around and walks away again.

 

Sigyn feels that she she has just witnessed something terrible. _This would never have happened in my home,_ she thinks. It is simply impossible to imagine Freya or Frey acting the way Thor just did. Volstagg making some cutting remark at one of the twins? He'd be dead by now. Freya and Frey _know_ how to run a realm. Technically it's Odin's brother Vili who is the governor of Vanaheim, but Vili and the twins are enjoying an amiable and very relaxed relationship. This bugs Odin incessantly. Sigyn is Freya's and Frey's ward and everybody knows that even looking at her in the wrong way could be lethal. This is why the prophesy, this bloody, nornir-forsaken prophesy that says that all of Sigyn's children are going to be gods, is still a secret.

 

Odin, Frigg and the seer know that the twins are simply not going to tolerate _anything_ that is likely to cast as much as a shadow on Sigyn's safety. And Sigyn is _grateful_ for that. The Aesir, being the creepy social climbers that they really are, are very keen on having gods in their familys. They are certainly not above a little kidnapping to achive their goal because, contrary to popular believe, not all Aesir are gods. But having a god born into the family helps the social status tremendously, Sigyn has been told, and those Aesir who actually _are_ gods naturally like to keep this trait in their clan. The whole affair is making Sigyn feel like a broodmare, and she is more than just slightly miffed by this tremendous embarrassment.

 

Cousin Frey has made it very clear to Odin that he would flay _any_ would-be rapist alive while Freya threatens with scolding. No one scolds like Cousin Freya. Sigyn knows this for sure because she has often been on the receiving end. It is a _luxurious_ experience. Freya is also a very experienced and knowledgeable sorceress and has shown her younger cousin some rather useful spells. Just in case.

 

 

\-----

 

 

Sigyn questions her compatriots discreetly about Thor and his friends because she feels that something must be done about this particular gang of assorted undesirables. There is a longish and tedious story about them slaying some enemy of Asgard. It is something Sigyn can work with. She retells the tale, making Thor look like an ass who falls into random holes a lot. Volstagg raids the larder of a poor peasant while the peasant's children, who are starving already, are crying. In the end Hogun saves the day and Sigyn's listeners who are, just like Hogun, of Vanaheim, appreciate this charming little detail. The surrounding Aesir are starting to look annoyed but Sigyn doesn't give a damn. _So what_ , she thinks. _I am a goddess, you dull creatures, and I am not going to be bullied by the likes of you._

 

It is getting late and the Vanir who, as a mainly agricultural society, are traditionally keeping earlier hours than the Aesir, are starting to say their farewells. Sigyn would like to leave too, but unfortunately she has to wait until the ambassador's wife, who happens to be of Asgard, decides to go home. It's a matter of pomp, circumstance and personal safety. Sigyn shrugs and directs her glance towards Thor's little corner of the hall which is really far, far away. _Thank the nornir for small graces._ The Thunderer is flexing his triceps at Sif. He's looking sweaty. Volstagg and Fandral seem to aprove of the spectacle, Hogun is just leaving, and Loki is nowhere to be seen. _So that's also dull,_ Sigyn decides. Asgard seems to be conspiring to bore the very wits out of her.

 

Sigyn gets up and takes a stroll about the hall. There is simply too much gold and the goddess of song and storytelling finally understands why Asgard is regarded as a terribly vulgar place by the Vanir. All those glittering and shiny surfaces are giving her a headache and Sigyn is going to have to ask her handmaiden for some willow bark later on. _Damn._

 

After kicking around aimlessly for a while and watching the other guests, Sigyn is facing just another golden column and oh, for the nine's sake, _what's that smell?_ There's a distinctive smell of cheap pomatum around the offending architectural detail and Sigyn is cursing under her breath. Has someone actually been smearing hair grease on that thing? „Bloody Aesir overdoing everything,“ she says out loud. Her voice is beautiful and it always sounds absolutely right, no matter _what_ she is saying. It is a god-thing, and Sigyn, the goddess of song and storytelling, appreciates her gift and uses it well. „Even their bloody columns _stink_.“

 

She turns around and walks away in a pointed manner. _Wait, is that Idunn over there?_ Her straight white hair and milky white skin are unmistakable. The goddess of spring and youth is sitting on her own. She is dressed in her signature colours of white and silver, and is vaguely waving a slender hand in Sigyn's general direction. Her other hand is holding a silver flask. The Vanir, glad to have finally spotted someone she knows and actually _likes_ , decides it's an invitation and joins her.

 

 

\-----

 

 

Behind the column Loki believes he is going to have a heart attack. He's been doing so well for the last hour, keeping out of sight while technically not leaving the ballroom and thereby keeping his word. He has promised his mother to stay at the feast for the whole evening but he is fed up with dancing. His feet are _killing_ him.

 

He would like to sit down and spend some time with Thor for a change, but Thor is busy entertaining his _friends_. Loki is feeling a tinge of jealousy, and starts to worry his fingers. He could live with Thor's friends if only they would stop mocking him. Why are they even in a position to mock him? Loki, who would be in his late teens while Thor would be in his early twenties in Midgardian years, is working hard, and already understands more about the way the realms are run than Thor and his friends ever will. He feels that this should earn him some respect, but instead he only gets laughed at.

 

And now Frigga and Odin think that Thor should marry this obscure goddess from Vanaheim. There are rumours about some significant prophecy but even Loki, with all his contacts, skills, and tricks is not able to find out what it's all about. _It's not going to happen,_ Loki feels deep inside. _She's not Thor's type, any fool can see that, Odin._ And it is obvious that Sigyn is not interested in the mighty god of thunder.

 

Oh, and _someone_ should have told him about the pomatum, Loki, who is just recovering from a severe head cold, thinks desperately. Sif has given him the offensive substance as a gift for his name day, and although he had thought it's fragrance to be a bit on the fruity side, he has had no idea it was smelling that badly. _Thank you Sif,_ he thinks. _I am going to do something about your hair too, and I'm going to do it soon. See if I don't._ Meanwhile, the grease is soaking into the high collar of Loki's brand new leather vest. _Great nornir, I'm going to smell like this forever._ It's time to leave, he decides, eager to safe as much of his dignity as possible. It's a gloomy prospect, and Loki knows that at some point in the not too distant future he is going to get punished for leaving the feast too early. Mother is going to look disappointed and father is going to shout at him. Loki is pretty sure that Odin is going to make him do all the tedious parchmentwork the All-Father himself avoids like the dickens. This never happens to Thor. Thor always does what he wants and he _always_ gets away with it. It's not really surprising that he is such a _brat_ sometimes.

 

Loki takes a deep breath and steps around the column back into the golden hall. He looks around swiftly, hoping to find the nearest egress. Instead he is looking straight into the eyes of Sigyn of Vanaheim, goddess of song, storytelling and blistering comments. Idunn has just told her a rather amusing tale and Sigyn is smiling. And incidentally she is smiling right at Loki who just can't believe this is happening to him.

 

 _What now?_ Be polite, his inner voice, which sounds a lot like his mother's voice, tells him. Calm down and take a deep breath. Offer her a drink, make some conversation and she might reconsider her attitude towards your brother. The fact that this would be a real blow for Sif is a welcome bonus. I'd really like Sigyn to marry Thor, Loki's inner Frigga says.

 

Loki, the seasoned veteran of countless feasts who has danced with more dowagers than you can shake a stick at, jumps into action like a good little berserker. He is going to make his mother _proud,_ and he pushes away the disturbing thought that it is a girl of his own age group, a potentially dangerous and hitherto unknown species, he has to deal with now. Also, he'd like to find out what's so special about this particular goddess. It must be something pretty unique if it makes Odin and Frigga want her for Thor. Only the best is good enough for Loki's golden brother, and Loki is fine with that. Sometimes he is feels a bit envious, but well, no one is perfect. _Never doubt that you love him,_ he keeps telling himself, and his internalised mother approves.

 

The younger prince ruthlessly corners a servant who happens to be a good man and is very much beloved by his wife, children, and neighbours. Even the most ferocious dogs of Asgard stop barking when he passes them in the streets, and wag their tails in joy. It is already very late at night, and the waiter simply does not deserve this kind of treatment. His only crime is that he is carrying a tray of fragrant iced water which has been subtly laced with the essence of distilled orange blossoms and a trace of wild honey. It is an elegant drink, very popular on Vanaheim. These are the things Loki knows about, and he is feeling confident again now that he's back on his own battlefield. He gives the servant a truly nasty sneer for his troubles, grabs two golden goblets and turns towards his target.

 

 

\-----

 

 

Sigyn and Idunn are deep in conversation when Loki arrives at their table. The women stop talking and look up expectantly.

 

"How very observant of you," Idunn says in her most girlish voice and takes the goblets away from him. Then she giggles because giggling is something Idunn does. She hands one of the goblets over to Sigyn.

 

Loki looks at his hands and starts worrying his fingers again. _Why do I always end up like this? I swear I had the best intentions_ _this time._ But then, as cool as the proverbial cucumber, Idunn leans back on her chair and signalises at the waiter to come over. In less than a minute Loki has a drink of his own again. _Good._ Loki wouldn't like to go to sleep with his nail beds bleeding.

 

"Skal, Son of Odin," Idunn says. "I hope this is not about your brother's obnoxious friends again." Idunn is Loki's best friend, funny enough, and only those strange folks who have never had a prolonged and somehow intense conversation with Thor about his brother's many virtues dare to suggest that this is because Idunn is Loki's only friend.

Loki wonders if a toast is expected of him now but fortunately Idunn is above the pettier details of social intercourse. "Have you met Sigyn?" the goddess asks conversationally. "She's of Vanaheim. Just like your mother."

 

Gone are all those elaborate speeches and silken words Loki has had in mind to talk this strange goddess into falling in love with his brother. So Sigyn looks like a younger version of their mother, is of Vanaheim like their mother and has grown up under the care of their mother's younger siblings, known to the sons of Odin as aunt Freya and uncle Frey. The whole affair is starting to feel a little _unhealthy_. For once Loki, who hasn't earned the nickname Silvertongue for nothing, is left speechless.

 

Idunn can be such a _bitch_.

 

"Are you not going to offer me a seat?" Loki says after a while, slightly exasperated.

 

"A seat in return for a drink of perfumed water? You are driving a hard bargain, my prince."

 

"Idunn, my feet..."

 

"But you are such a pretty sight when you're dancing, Loki. Please do not ruin the picture by talking about your feet. No one is interested in your feet."

 

Loki pulls up a chair and sits down without further waiting for an invitation. So this is going to be one of _those_ conversations.

 

"Been making any potions lately?" Loki asks.

 

"Yes," Idunn says happily. "The good stuff. Care to join me?" She takes the flask Sigyn had noticed before out of her reticule and offers it to Loki. "Plenty of magic mushrooms this year."

 

Loki, who still remembers that stupid night two centuries ago at cousin Aegir's hall with horror, declines politely. He and Idunn had spend an idle afternoon sampling several of Idunn's potions and ended up inviting themselves to Aegir's great feast. Then they started to drink heavily while ignoring the basic rule that you should never, never at all, mix potions and alcohol. There is even a famous mnemonic rhyme about this ("Mushrooms and mead should never meet"). It's a silly sounding little thing but it contains an enormous truth that should always be remembered. At the end of the night Loki had managed to insult simply _everybody_ including Odin himself. Odin never mentions the incident which is just creepy. Loki has a feeling that his father has some kind of retaliation in store for him, and he hates being in suspense.

 

There are still some feuds going on on Asgard that started that night because, unfortunately, most of the things Loki had said turned out to be true.

 

Thor, who had not been a guest at the feast, proves himself to be a real friend on the occasion. So his little brother had been in his cups and cut some people who probably deserved it down to size? Thor knows his fellow Aesir well. The whole affair is no big deal in the Thunderer's book. If you don't want Loki to make a scene in your hall, then don't let him gatecrash your feast. It's as easy as that, and Thor really does not understand what all the fuzz is about.

 

"Don't worry, brother, this kind of thing is going on all the time," he keeps saying in this booming voice of his, and Loki _winces_ while he tries to swallow the next spoonful of Idunn's Patent Detox Potion his brother is carefully feeding him. The hangover is as spectacular as the insults Loki has dished out so liberally the night before. For several weeks, Thor follows his brother around and challenges every offended party that dares to even look at Loki. It feels strange. It is comforting, gratifying and slightly humiliating at the same time. Whenever Thor is doing something stupid or annoying these days, Loki remembers this episode and forgives his brother from all his heart. Then one day, while Loki is helping Idunn to prune her apple trees, the goddess stops what she is doing and looks at her friend.

 

"I had no idea that you have so much rage in you," she says. "I'm sorry."

 

"Let's just not do this ever again," Loki tells her, and, for a short while, everything is fine.

 

 

\-----

 

 

"Loki is studying botany and potion making with me," Idunn says casually. It's summer now, and this means that her busy season is over for this year. The goddess of spring and youth is officially on vacation. "It's always spring somewhere," she says when people are remarking on her lazy lifestyle.

 

And what do they know after all? Idunn has her potion making and, of course, her educational work. She is very dedicated and makes a point of spending as much time as possible with her only student. In return for his classes, Loki sometimes helps her out in her garden and it's a highly satisfying arrangement for both sides. The only problem is that Idunn considers herself some sort of matchmaker.

Nobody knows how she got this idea into her head because she is simply terrible at it. She has never made a single match and it's beginning to gnaw on her. Her methods are blunt, to say the least, and range from lewd, suggestive remarks to locking her victims up with one another or actively lacing their drinks with love potions while they are not watching. Concerned parents on Asgard are known to warn their hopeful offspring to never, never ever, accept a drink from Idunn. Now the goddess looks from Loki to Sigyn and back again. It has always grieved her that her young friend has not found someone to share his increasingly busy life with yet. _Lies and mischief_ , and _song and storytelling,_ she thinks. _Now that could make life on Asgard much more interesting._ And Idunn, always ready to make her fellow Aesir happy, embraces her task with all her heart and gets down to work.

 

"That's... nice?" Sigyn offers. "I sometimes take botany and potion making classes with Cousin Freya, but there never seems to be enough time." Sigyn is at a loss, not quite sure what is expected of her. And how has she ended up sitting with one of the princes her cousins have told her so explicitly to stay away from? At least it's not the sweaty one, Sigyn thinks, but there had been a disconcerting conversation about feet earlier this night.

 

Freya and Frey have taken great care to warn Sigyn from getting involved in any of Loki's schemes. Just don't talk to him, her cousins kept telling her. He is the god of mischief and lies and a few other useless things the twins don't care to remember. His main business appears to be getting other people into trouble. Loki has got a reputation for being designing and sneaky, and it seems to be well deserved.

 

Sigyn is not surprised when she finds out that Freya herself had been badly bruised by one of Loki's plans only a few centuries ago. But in the end everything turned out well and Sigyn, as the official goddess of song and storytelling in these parts, likes an efficient trickster. From a purely artistic point of view she even respects Loki's efforts. But she feels that it's not her job to massage the god's ego, so she turns to him and _sniffs_. "Why do you smell like this? Is it one of your potions? It's horrible."

 

Loki rolls his eyes and Idunn, who is starting to feel the influence of her potion, laughs. "Oh you _darlings,_ " she says. "Sigyn, you of all people should know that this is precisely the kind of obnoxious behaviour that gets nice girls into trouble. Stop following this avenue or you will find yourself tied to a charming rogue in no time at all. He may be charming, but he's still a rogue and he is going to drag you into all kinds of annoying and troublesome situations. I've read many a saga with this storyline and it's just such a cliché."

 

"I had no idea you're such a romantic," Sigyn says deviously and pictures Idunn sobbing over some soppy saga late at night. It is a good image and Sigyn is determined to keep it in mind for later usage.

 

„Are we discussing stories of love now?“ Loki asks with the superior air of a young god who has better things to do with his time.

 

Idunn potions up her iced water and takes a healthy swig.

 

"Not bad," she declares. "Now, my dear girl, you have to ask yourself exactly one thing: do you want to be tied to a a charming rogue? Well, do you? Be honest."

 

"Idunn, if this is about this infernal prophecy... "

 

"Would that be this omnious prophecy everybody is whispering about?" Idunn asks and Sigyn feels that she has walked right into a trap. "Pray tell me more..."

 

"Well, I shall not."

 

Sigyn is unswerving, but Idunn is persistant and keeps trying to get answers the Vanir is not willing to give.

 

Loki is simply dying from curiosity at this point and would dearly love to learn more about the augury, but somehow he feels he should help Sigyn out. Frigga has taught her sons well, and rushing to the aid of random damsells in distress comes naturally to both princes. The sons of Odin think it's a bit of a reflex really.

 

"It's all Sif's fault," Loki says.

 

"Has Sif turned seer now?" Idunn asks in a state of shock and frowns deeply. Suddenly it seems to her that she is spending far to much time alone in her garden. _Someone_ should have told her about this latest development and the goddess feels left out.

 

"Sif gave me this infernal pomatum for my namesday just when I had caught a severe head cold. I'm still feeling not at all well by the way" Loki says, happy to share his griefs. "This is why I failed to notice the obtrusive smell." Then he adds, as an afterthought: "I really think I 'd like to kick Sif."

 

"Son of Odin, kicking Sif will not solve your problem. This outrage demands bolder measures." Idunn pads Loki's knees soothingly. "Please remember to send for a flask of Idunn's All-Purpose Head Potion the next time you have a head cold, you know where to find me, and you'll be well again soon enough. _And_ you won't end up smelling like a barrel full of fermenting pears. I'm not surprised people keep starring and wrinkling their noses at you." She reflects on this for a brief moment. "You know what? I'm going to send you a flask first thing tomorrow morning. Just in case."

 

"Sif would be the one in the leather dress?" Sigyn asks stiffly, having patiently waited for Idunn to finish her speech.

 

"Yes," Loki tells her. "She is also wearing her second best plate armour for the feast."

 

"And you actively put something this woman gave you on your hair? She has the fashion sense of a bilgesnipe. Well I never. And people keep telling me you're the clever one."

 

"Sigyn, if you keep up at this pace you are going to get laid before the sun rises."

 

"Oh, dash it, Idunn," Loki says irritably. "Just quit it, will you? Until now, I simply never considered Sif a hostile, that's all. Annoying, yes, but not openly hostile. And besides, the pomatum came in a very pretty jar so I thought it was safe."

 

Sigyn nods. This is a train of thought she can follow. She knows a surprising number of tales about people who have gotten themselves into trouble because they foolishly messed around with unidentified stuff that was delivered in pretty wrappings. Or came to grief by underestimating their enemies. "What kind of jar?" Sigyn asks, out of professional interest.

 

"Ebony, with bronze inlays and green stones."

 

"That's nice. In an Aesir way, I mean, but still nice."

 

Idunn signals the servant to bring another round of iced water. "I love the way you keep reminding Loki and me how very superior you are to us humble folks on Asgard. It's so adorable and I find it utterly endearing."

 

"Indeed. It makes me wonder how we could _possibly_ have won the war." Loki feels a profound longing to kick himself as soon as the sentence is out, but it can't be helped now. So he looks at Sigyn defiantly, daring her to do something about it. Then the son of Odin throws in a free sneer for good measure while keeping his chin up proudly. Loki hopes her reply is not going to be too abusive, otherwise it's Aegir's hall all over again and he is never going to hear the end of it.

 

But Sigyn is just staring at Loki in disbelief. That was... nasty. Sigyn briefly wonders if she should spill her drink on Loki's head but this would probably only help him with the smell. The option of giving him a quick and vicious kick against the shin bone presents itself naturally but she does not want to make a scene, and somehow Loki's blunt remark starts gnawing on her. Sigyn has her own means of paying anyone who is reckless enough to offend her with their own coin, and she has no desire of making a spectacle of herself right now.

 

"I think I better leave," she says, looking around to find the ambassador's wife.

 

 _Oh no,_ Loki thinks. He had just begun to enjoy the evening, and now he has ruined everything. Even his feet have started to feel a little better. He is also enjoying the side effect that Thor and his oafish friends are watching him and the females at his side with growing curiosity. Usually it's just Idunn and Loki doing their best to drive everybody else away, and the fact that his younger brother is hobnobbing with the mysterious Vanir that Frigga and Odin have been praising for weeks somehow sits not well with Thor. _Does my brother know something I do not? Well, Loki being Loki, this is most likely the case._ _It's just bloody typical._ The Thunderer huffs and nudges Sif in a playful manner. Sif says something in return that Loki cannot understand at this distance, and Thor and his friends start laughing. Loki naturally thinks that they are laughing about him. It is so _vexing_ and _unfair,_ he feels.

 

A small but very firm hands grabs Sigyn's elbow and pulls her back on her chair. Dammit, Idunn is _strong_. Sigyn just knows for sure that there is going to be a bruise tomorrow.

 

"Please don't leave us," the goddess says politely without taking her hand off the Vanir's elbow. "I'm enjoying this wonderful tension you two are radiating so much."

 

"There is no tension." Loki is clearly exasperated now. "What's in that flask? You are even more absurd than usual."

 

"New recipy. It's still a secret, Son of Odin."

 

"It's not going to stay a secret for much longer if you don't stop acting like you do." Sigyn says reasonably, making a contribution. "I think the important question is if Sif was actively _planning_ on making Loki a social outcast for the evening or if this happened only because she is to stupid to think. Oh, and let go of my elbow, Idunn, if it's not too much of a bother."

 

Loki is pleased. There's something considerate about Sigyn, and that's an attitude he likes to encourage in those around him. Especially if their consideration is directed towards himself. The god feels that Sigyn has a very intelligent expression in her dark, warm eyes, and he admires her impeccable dress.

 

"Now that's much better." Idunn, who enjoys spreading sweetness and light and loves being surrounded by happy, smiling faces, says. "I suggest you apologise to each other."

 

Sigyn looks stunned and more than just a little bewildered, but the resigned expression on Loki's face tells her that there's no way of backing out now. There's a mulish look in Idunn's eyes that says clearly that she and Loki _are_ going to apologise at some point, and if it takes them the rest of the year it's no skin off Idunn's nose. So better get over with it and be done. Loki, who sometimes feels that he is the only responsible, sensible and well-behaved adult on Asgard, decides to take the first step.

 

"Sorry," he mutters reluctantly.

 

"Sorry," Sigyn mumbles grudgingly.

 

"Shake hands," Idunn orders them.

 

They shake hands. The whole scene is acted out in the most graceless manner possible and Idunn, who has cultivated a broad and rather personal view on the meaning of life, feels very happy about her work.

 

 

\-----

 

 

At the other end of the hall Thor is craning his neck to get a better view. Now what has this been all about? Surely Idunn, who seems to have made it her personal business to get Loki involved in all types of terrible scrapes, has done something strange again. Thor sincerely hopes that she and this new girl are not trying to get his brother into trouble. He decides to stay away from the ale keg for the rest of the night, in case Loki needs him later on. A servant offers Thor a golden goblet of iced water that smells somewhat of oranges and honey, and he accepts the strange beverage. He takes a sip and is surprised. _People actually drink that kind of swill? Seriously?_ This casts a major shadow on his faith in the mental stability of his fellow Aesir. Well, as long as it helps to keep Loki out of the dungeons, Thor is more than willing to make the sacrifice.

 

 

\-----

 

 

"You see? That wasn't too hard," Idunn says.

 

Loki knows from experience that it is completely futile to try and stop Idunn while she is on a mission of spreading sweetness and light. It's like a force of nature, and Loki is hoping that Sigyn won't say anything that could prolong the procedure because reasoning is another option that simply does not work under the circumstances. Idunn is perpetually known to ask hapless squabblers _to hug it out,_ a sinister ritual hitherto unknown on Asgard. Only the nornir know where she has learned about it. Idunn is notorious for being persistent, and Loki shudders at the prospect _of hugging it out_ with Sigyn in front of the whole court. But the girl apparently knows when to remain silent and Loki senses a sudden feeling of affection towards her.

 

„And now you have to decide what to do about Sif,“ Idunn tells them, smiling brightly at Sigyn and Loki in a disturbingly meaningful way.

 

Loki let's out a sigh of relief. He must have held his breath for longer than he had thought but now the immediate danger has gone. „I'm sure I am going to find an apt solution for the problem,“ the god of mischief says pleasantly with a portentious gleam in his green eyes.

 

„Act swiftly and determined, and do not hesitate to pay her back lavishly for her crimes against your personal appearence,“ Idunn advises him. „It start's with smelly hair grease and ends with a limp cloak. I have seen many a mighty warrior's downfall initiated this way, and I recommend you to stop the trend before it is too late.“

 

„Really? Which warriors? When did that happen?“ Sigyn is excited. „Now this is a tale I would like to hear.“

 

„But not tonight, my dear,“ Idunn says genially. "As I was telling you before Loki so kindly interrupted us with refreshments, I am very tired and need to go home. I am not as young as I look after all. Join me for tea on my lawn tomorrow, and I will tell you any tale you'd like to hear." Idunn takes her time for finishing her drink. Then she puts the golden goblet down, stands up and straightens out her silken skirts.

 

"Why don't you two go outside and take a stroll around the gardens? They are lovely at this time of night. Lots of bats, I've been told." With this, Idunn takes her leave, a naughty smile on her lips. She is swaying ever so lightly on her elegant little feet and stops briefly to tell a huge golden statue _everything_ about her plans for launching her groundbreaking new potion just in time for the winter solstice banquets. _That_ is going to be an improvent, Idunn patiently explains to the solemn golden face that is looking down on her, and walks away happily.

 

Loki and Sigyn are looking each other. On a very strange and whacked-out level, this episode had been almost funny.

 

"Please show me the gardens, _my prince_ ," Sigyn says. "The bats of Asgard are so very famous for the size of their wings on Vanaheim."

 

"As you wish, Sigyn," Loki banters in return. "I even promise to take care not to insult you by calling you _a lady_."

 

He offers her his arm and she accepts gracefully. Loki is walking with a slight limp because his feet are still hurting him, and suddenly he remembers how Sigyn turned down Thor's invitation to dance. Sigyn doesn't dance, and that's a quality Loki appreciates. You have to respect a girl like that, Loki decides, thinking on his feet. Perhaps the evening would turn out not to be a complete wash-out after all. And Thor? Thor can take care of himself. Loki puts his hand on Sigyn's hand, and directs her gently towards the lake at the heart of the garden. They find a bench that is just a little too small for two to sit on at the distance that is deemed proper by Aesir etiquette rules, and spend long, exciting hours plotting the downfall of Sif, the underdressed pomatum monster, while the night sky over Asgard is filled with the thin, high whistling sounds of the bats.

 


End file.
